Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Wanna soak up the sun...

..wanna tell all the moron's around me to lighten up!!!

Have decided am gonna start a new game--"MORON MAESTRO"!...crowned to the person around me who pisses the hell outta me!!!

Yesterday met this total ass of a client(well not that any client is not!)--but this guy had taken a clean sweep in being the biggest A****** of all times!!. Maybe someday when am in the best of my courage will gag him, tie up his hands and feet, throw a nice cushony matteress on him and jump up and down on him and then throw him in jail!!!!!!

(cooling down.....trying, trying...long way to go............ok now am cool cucumber)

I had a 2 hr telephonic session with him after which the only question I could ask myself was "WHY MEEEE"????????

He wanted to get loads of work done....loads of work done his way....loads of work done his way in his timelines...loads of work done his way in his timelines with little(read that as embarrasingly little) moolah and he expected me to be nice to him!!!...GO TAKE A WALK!!!

Decided that when I walked out of that room I would go to my Bossmate and say--"Look Dude, there's no way am working for this Moron, get this jerk off my back!"

I did speak to me Bossmate but the conversation sounded more like" Look dude, Cant work with pllllleaaasassseeee saveee meee!"

As things stand today--he's my client and I am doing the project and would like to end my blog here.

If I survive to see another two days you shall read another blog--else I Love all those who love me(almost!)...



Monday, May 24, 2004

A trip to Wonderland...

Except that I wasn't Alice and there was no hare..:-(

Rest everything fitted perfectly! Had been on one of our usual monthly treks to a place called Chikmangalur, overnite journey from bangalore this friday and just returned today morning and am yet to come out of the daze...was a GOOOODDD TRRIIPPP!!!!

Had been out with a gang of 6 (including me) crazy morons( and I loveee them alll:-))who made the trip as entertaining as one could imagine!

The first day we reached we trekked almost half the day and finally managed to reach the mountain top(or so I'd like to believe)....and realised its not the destination but the journey which made it sooo greeeeen in my memory(literally)!

6 of us..walking on green grass...competing with each other to prove "whos the biggest moron of us all", taking each others trips...stopping every 15 min to take the snap of a lifetime (every snap at that point of time felt like a snap of a lifetime!)

At one point of time I actually got lost!!!....for 10 min(Ok... I could have got lost!)...coz the mist was all around us..felt like u had reached the clouds and all you had to do was open your mouth and just chew the clouds and you could eat them( and yes..I actually did that!)...and then Jaya (my saviour!) came to my rescue coz she is the only one who understood my directions of "Come to My west":-)(when we cldnt even see other !)

Highlight of the trip!---We even named our kids-to-be...for each one of us:-

Jaya's kids(shes called patahaka)--Anar and Phuljhadi
Brahma's Kids:- Cobra and Zebra (Take a guess why:-)
Bhatta's kids(he fav line is "Will give u a pok on the head":- Pok and Pik
Rose's kids( referring to rohit whos called rose):- Champa and Chameli (for obvious reasons)
Harry's kids:- Dabadaba and BadaBada ( cant explain why here!)
My Kids:- Cici and Fifi( coz I like those names forma movie where these were the names of 2 goldfishes:-)

P.s:- See how I got away with getting the names of my kids exactly what I liked..heheh(pat on the back..proud of u girl!)

The journey has its lighter moments galore...harry being names Broad, Jaya our annadatta, Me pose mehra etc, rohit fire extinguisher....

The second day was fab too..we went(dressed to completely get ourselves drenched in a 120 m waterfall) and realised on reaching that the waterfall was as big as the showers in our bathrooms!!...but then I Discovered my hidden talents in playing frisbee( Bowing down --thank you, thank you!:-)

With just a little training (from bhatta My official coach) I will be ready to play at National Morons frisbee championship!...(What say Bhatta;-)?

Shining moments of the trip...:-

1)Bhatta discovering his brillaint dressing decision on day 2
2)Me running behind the frisbee like I was running behind chickens!
3)Jaya and Rohit's A****** connection(ahem..I'll leave it at that--open to interpretations!:-)
4)Bhatta and Harry's fabulous attempt to sit together in the bus(protecting what needs to be protected most:-)..Kudos to both...well done...ur wives will be proud of u!:-)
5)Bra and his "getting wet" histrionics...
6)Jaya, mine and rohit's room which has mauve coloured walls with three Yellow Polka dots on the wall and a see through window next to the bathroom!!

List goes many more feeling short of memory right now--wish had a higher RAM! ..mind's feeling blocked right now--maybe lack or sleep or maybe I just ate too many clouds:-)


Friday, May 21, 2004

Cheap thrills!!

What would I do without them!!:-)

Just realised the sheer indispensibility of cheap thrills in my life sometime back when I was having a discussion with this dear dear friend of mine called "Bra"-Ahem!!

Now that's what I call by Cheap Thrills!

Nope, parents in India or (elsewhere in the world) have still not become so progressive to name their son "Bra!". Its only friends like me who thrive on cheap thrills and do that-hah!

This naming game started when I was trying to figure out a nick name for my friend whose first three initials in the name are BRA!....After trying all sorts of combinations my undisputed brillaint mind came up with the fab nick name for him and eureka!--from that day onwards he was bra for one and all!--How Em-"bra-"ssing!!:-)

Now thats what I call Cheap thrills--calling him Bra out loud on a crowded street(though havent tried that yet!)..could just killl him....what say Bra?;-)

But Bra--this blog is dedicated to you--By far you have been the best source of cheap thrills for me...Just by being who you are..Love you for that and for being just a great sport!!- Kudos to Sporty Bra!!:-)

But besides this there are other categories of cheap thrills that I personally like exploring. For one--ringing the door bell of your neighbours(especially ones you dont particularly like) at me it still gives as much pleasure as it used to when I was 5-6 yrs old!

Another classic one (which I just managed to do yesterday!)is if you are in a signal in a car--try blowing the horn when the signal is red!!..hehe and see the sheer disgust on the look of the people around...BLISS!:-)

Either which ways...each time its brought a smile on my face...and definately makes my day..slightly better than "Yet another day"!:-))


Thursday, May 20, 2004

No Work Mood today...

....Work sucks!! Have this really strong urge to get up right now and scream in the middle of the office--I WILL NOT WORK!! and scream exceptionally loudly in my Bossmates' ears!

Obviously am in no mood to work today and no reason. Just one of those days when you get up in the morning and feel that no matter NOT gonna work today!:-(

And was suggested that I should take the day off..which obviously I haven't--coz I don't have a valid reason for leave!--what do I tell my boss?--"Hey Dude, Am not coming to work today coz I am in no mood to work!"-Yeah sure!

But then come to think of it--IT IS a valid reason! I mean Mood swings are not in my control and if my mood swings are unfavourable to work..well too bad!

And whats the point of me dragging my butt out here when am probably not even an inch productive today..maybe companies should just face realities and have leave for such reasons...and there can be n numner of

1)" No work mood today" leave
2)"Daru Party hangover" Leave
3)"Too much sex last night" Leave
4)"Maid didnt turn up today" leave
5)"My Dog puked last night" Leave
6)"Didnt have Ironed clothees to wear" leave
7)"Parents coming to town so need to clean the Pigsty " Leave
8)"PMS" leave for women
9)"Just Like that" Leave (Thats my favourite one!:-)

...and the list goes on..and mind u these are all reasons that are extremely "life-impacting"--now if I dont have Ironed clothes to wear coz my Dhobi for some godforsaken reason didnt turn up..How do I come to office????.

...Bossmate are you listening!!...AM NOT GONNA WORK TODAY!!



Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Bong-bay Blues...

...yes it is about my First EVER trip to the Bong Land!( For any phirangs or wannabe phirangs who might read my blogs someday when it gets complied as a best seller am talking about Kolkatta!

The ordeal began with me having to catch a 6:00 am flight in the morning for bong-land which means I had to leave the "Oh-to-die-for" comfort of my bed--at 4:15 am!!!!(I am gonna sue the airlines for this!!!!:-(

This has set the precedents for the ordeals to follow for the rest of the day....

Getting a cabbie who could understand that Majeer heart(venue where I had to go) was actually Mojeer heart(venue as they understand)..and then actually leaving me there safe and sound....

The day had its hilarious moments too...when the receptionist (yet again one of those die-hard bong-bayian) at the client office asked me name of the person I was supposed to meet and I said "Mr Basu" and the rest of the conversation is as below:-

Me:- "Mr Basu"
She:- " 5 min"(Boshu in bong means sit)...and I (by this time I already had had enough of the Bongo Lingo) decided to correct her and said
Me: "No Mr Basu"..(Thinking she was pronouncing Basu as Boshu)
She:"..Yes..Boshu...He will take 5 min"
Me:- His name is Mr Basu ..not Boshu
She:-(Blank Expression on face)
She:-(Puzzled...What the hell is wrong with this woman look)
She:- "You dont understand Bongali..Do you?"
Me:- "Ahem..A little"
She:-"Boshu means sit in Bongali..Mr Basu will see you in 5 min!"
Me:- (Oops!)

...and I went and sat at the "Aha" moment of the day! (Probably will go down in my "When I made a Ass of myself" Hall of fames

Meeting was struggle to decode the "A's and the O's" of the lingo..but think in the end managed to do a decent job!(pat on the back:-)

Rest of the day was relatively simple..caught up with a friend who spoke Hindi without the Bong accent..took me shopping and added bonus was I actually managed to pick up "Sandesh and Misty doi" for back home..quite like the sound of this word..."Misty Doi":-)...almost gives a royale sound to something as simple as sweet curd!!

The city somehow just doesnt seem to have grown..caught in an era...not wanting to let go...the trams, tonga's, dilapidated building(with mind you sleek interiors!)...everything seemed to be aged..yet strong enough not to die.....strange....

My flight back got delayed by an hour!!(Am suing the Airlines for third degree torcher!)...and the day ended by a co-passenger who was also waiting and apprantly one of those "bored-nothing-to-do-so-let-me-catch-someone-to-vent-my-frustation"...narrating her "horror story"..about one travel endeavour....(And yes...Like I cared!!!???)

A co-passenger on the flight(yet another Die-hard Bong)..asked..

Him:-"First time in Kolkotta?"
Me:-(Positive Nod)
Him:- "Kolkotta Bhalo Lage?"( U liked it?)
Me:-(about to do a negative nod..and then...just Smiled...

...Not sure yet...if I did or did'nt...But then had just got a teaser of the city..maybe someday will be brave enough to take a full premier..Maybe...


Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Tat's me:-))

--And have just realised I can get away with murder by just these two words!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes as they say..realisation just dawns on you and so it has on me!!--Today and how??--HAIL THE WORLD OF SMS!!

The story was connected to my blogs when I was told that my spellings on blog suck!(which btw is a deliberate attempt NOT to check the spellings!)--and I simply replied on SMS- Tat's me:-).....and all was gone and forgotten!:-))

That's when it struck me --the Power of these two words!--especially on sms/Mails when added with a Smily...just about compensates for the flickering of the eyelashes if said in person!..

And thats when I trailed back to some of the times I could recall having used these two words for larger sins in life like..for example at the age of 25 eating Nutella(Chocolate paste for the lesser priveleged mortals who do not know about it yet!) smudged all over your face in front of 10 other people--while others look at you in disgust--All I had to do was say--Tat's me:-)

Am beginning to believe more and more strongly that these two words have the POWER to help me get away with!!:-))

Or maybe most of us need these two justify just being ourselves...hmmm

Am getting tempted to test my theory about these two words--getting back to my first line--Any Volunteers???;-)


Monday, May 10, 2004

Guess who's my cubicle mate????

Nothing to get soooo excited about!!!....Definitely not the "Oh! the-best-looking-dude-in-the-office-whom-women-can-lech-at-hands-down!".....there isn't any such species in my office..(If that's any consolation)!

And if that's not torcher enough--I have to share my "MY CUBICLE" with the deplorable species called "the BOSS"!!....

It hit me last week when I was told that my Boss was going to be sharing the cubicle with me--not only that--it sooo happens(as "luck" might have it) that his and my PC can stare at each other!!!

And of course like any other "normal" human being my first reaction was "How can god do this to ME!!"--SIGH!not that my reaction has changed too much after the first day!

A week of mental preparation--thinking of all the possible seating arrangements , position of the chair and table, possible sites I could open up as cover everything I blog was done to see how I could effectively manage--the "My boss is my Cubicle mate syndrome!"

All MBA courses should have a specific "mandatory" subject on "Seven Effective tactics of ducking your boss"...for now based on my indepth and varied experience of a day with my bossmate(new word coined for Dilbert's benefit)the genuis in me has been able to coin these for the larger good of mankind on how to handle your bossmate...

1) Stare at his screen more than he does at yours--make him feel guilty about even writing a personal one liner mail!
2) Dodge your cubicle inhabiting timings-when he goes for lunch--take a short nap and when he's back--run for food like you live for it!
3) Everytime he opens a unofficial site--"Ask inquisitively and "innocently"--"Hey isn't there supposed to be a firewall on this site?"-Basically let him realize he's being watched!!:-)
4)Put as many stuffed toys and caricatures on your PC as you can to show as little of the screen--maybe even a huge--"Mind your own business Garfield Teddy!"
5)Keep putting his stuff (like pens, papers, his important documents in other cubicles away from his cabin--FAR AWAY!--when he's not around so that he has to keep spending as much time as possible outside your area (always have the belief that its "YOUR" area and he is an intruder there) and you can live in peace:-)
6)Sneeze, cough and pick your nose everytime he attempts to turn around to see you--basically disgust the hell outta him!!
7)IF none of this works--QUIT!--your a loser--join a company where you are the boss--you deserve to become one!

My boss has just come back from a week long vacation and has already left for the day--he was here for hardly 5 hours today!--and am supposed to rejoice?

I dont have anyone to even take a coffee break with--"Why is GOD doing this toooo meeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!:-(((-SIGH!"


Friday, May 07, 2004

Bedtime stories...

I am 25. I LOVE them.Still. I am normal.

I actually even dreamt about the first story the night it was read out to me--this week--about a magic carpet and no prizes for guessing what my wish to santa clause would be this christmas!!

My blogging title itself begins with a "Once upon a time...."....clicqued at it may sound--"NOONE"--I repeat-"NOONE" can take away the sheer excitment that this one line can bring to anyone's face and I repeat yet again--ANYONE's face!!

Personally think...this one line is probably one of the most mysterious lines EVER!!!!---can you even in your wildest dreams imagine how many interpretations, stories can be spun just beginning with this one line--each with equal intensity of suspense around it to the extent of creating an enigma about this line!!!!????

Whoeever thought of this one line for the first time--is GOODD to me!!--may not have won the bookers prize but Hello!!!--practically every bedtime story today begins with this line!!!

Have always wondered what this line would mean to different people and how they would interpret it--give this line to 5 people and see how each one of them takes it to a different ending ..almost like the key to opening the door to people's mind and reading them....without them knowing!!!!:-)

So much for 4 words..and whoever thought someone would actually spend 20 minutes on a weekday morning...analysing, interpreting, evaluating these 4 words....but its happening and will probably happen the magic of this line continues....Once Upon a time.....


Thursday, May 06, 2004

Wondering world.....

...and so the blogging story begins!
Wonder what got me to doing this????...suddenly one fine day in the morning..I got up and decided to "blog" my thoughts out!

Maybe its the cheapest( talking on STD phone to your best frd costs a bomb!), simplest ( use the key-board, ignore ur boss for a while! and voila--some words which make sense to you atleast! are out) and the most safest (so to say) means of expression--and makes you think every morning--Wonder how am I feeling today????
A good office friend got me back into doing this(after a couple of years)--not really...inspired is more like it!....

Last night I got a nice tight hug from my roomate---Wonder why she gave me the hug?? (Now why the hell am I questioning that?????)--but felt great coming from her!

Too many wonders for a mid-week morning....

A lot of stuff is happening in life--not used to soo much traffic in my life!!!--but some how dont feel like putting a the red sign on yet....wanna go with the flow!

Need to stop wondering for a while......