You know ur getting older...

When...
1) Quite weekends at home mean potluck lunches with close friends...
2) You come back home from office in time to watch perfect bride...
3) Your concept of "late night" means you'v slept at 12pm..
4) You hunt for pubs on the weekend which play "retro music"...the kind you'v "grown up" to
5) You start replacing "I like to gym" with "I need to gym"....
6) 90% of the parties you attend are thrown by spouses or mothers and warrant the need to buy a gift...
7) You can easily put most of your friends into two categories.. "Housewives" or "bankers"...
8) Shopping for weekend groceries is categorised as "spending time together"....
9) You start shopping for clothes that "hide it" rather than "flaunt it"....
10) You have to "plan" and "block time" in advance for boys/ girls night out....
11) Going to a halloween party feels like the "event of the month".....
12) You eat maggie on weekends as a last option rather than the first one....
13) Your more worried about giving the maid's salary on time....rather than getting your own..
14) "Child friendly" is the criteria for selection of restaurants and travel destinations..
15) The key topics of telephone conversations is recipe discussions or stock market status.....
16) 75% of the photographs posted on facebook are about your kids and 95% of your status messages are about your family....
17) You describe getting sloshed over a few margarita's as having a "wild time"...
18) Celebrating a friends bday is not as simple as buying a cheesy, silly and funny archies card followed by a cheap treat anymore....
19) Your parents are more excited to see your kids than to see you....
20) On a Wednesday evening at work you can list down 20 bullets on getting old in less than 20 mins.....

Sigh, Sigh!

"UP" and "not so UP" side of life...

I know I know...I was lost in a desserted Island for the last 2 months...had gone on a exploratory trip sailing on the South China sea and this being the Typhoon season the boat got swayed and took me to a desserted island where I lived off leaves, fruits and occasional caterpillars and worms for last 2 months!--Is that valid excuse for not blogging for last 2 months??:-))

So yes last week I saw "UP"...the 3d animated movie...and for all those who have a sweet tooth....you will loooveee this movie...its the sweetest movie EVER!!!....Its such a cuttieppiee movie...imagine....flying in your own house from one place to another???

Come to think of it--isnt this an absolutely brilliant idea that could kill the airline industry--ingenious must say:-))...So it must be clear by now that I absolutely adored the movie...and its highly recommended...MUST MUST SEE!

On the "not so UP" side...yesterday went to someone's house in HK who stayed in an area called "Peak"...for those uninitiated to HK its basically an area higher up from where you can see the HK skyline in all its glory. Needless to say even a 500 Sq feet apartment here could burn your pockets (HK is criminally expensive when its comes to housing AND EVERYTHING ELSE!)

Now going to the house was not the "not so UP" part..the house itself was the "Not so UP" part....close your eyes and imagine...a three storey house in HK, in peak...each storey atleast 1000-1500 sq feet...!!....Last 5 yrs since we moved to HK..I had forgotten the concept of space...some concepts lose importance because they appear unrealistic and space in HK is one of them....or so I thot!!

I was behaving like a child in Toysarus for the first time...capturing every inch of space in the house...like if I see it properly I may even be able to take a little space home with me!!!..Sigh!!

Needless to say--I am still VERY sad and depressed and angry...did I say VERY?...I actually feel like a "HAVE NOT"!!!...And yes all those who are going to pacify me with comments like "Its ok you have a good house too"..."The size doesnt matter, its the people who make the home"....DONT EVEN TRY!!

I have decided the only way to start feeling "UP" again is to tie tonnes of balloons to this house and fly away in it...so if you notice a three storey something tied to balloons...wave out...and I just might take you "UP" with me!:-)

I am not done yet!!!

They say automation makes life simpler....I say it makes you a slave...rules your life...takes away every little piece of control that you might have left and leaves you helpless!

HK is infested with great malls which have even greater toilets....needless to say all these are "Automated flush toilets" ....that have an inane ability to sense what your upto in the 4 closed walls..or so they claim!!..

And am sure these toilets have been made by a man....coz their sensing abilities are completely senseless....So heres how they work...everytime there is a slack period after a "downloading activity"....the sensor uses its "shitbrains" and assumes it time to create a tsunami on your turf... which means it keeps flushing even when one is sitting on it!!!!.....ggrrrrr....What the F***...u senseless thing....cant you see...I AM NOT DONE YET!!

The last part where I want to give up control in my life is when and how I want to clean my turf (read ass)--its a shitty power struggle indeed and am gonna fight tooth and nail to keep control over my turf!

Needless to say--no more senseless sensing toilets for me!!...I am done with these mindless quirks made for the lazy asses....I am now on the hunt for toilets in HK which do not take away the control from your life....only the shit from it!

and yes...I AM DONE NOW!

Hubby Dear....in 15 bullets...A Wifes Perspective:-)

So now I thot it might be a good idea to create a sequel of me in 15 bullet pts...and a natural sequel would be 15 bullets on Hubby....

So...Here it goes...

1) His idea of a perfect day is to get up at 10:00am...10:10am sit on the sofa....10:10pm get up from sofa....10:15pm go to sleep on bed...

2) His likes to believe he is an Atheist...his definition of atheist is...he doesnt believe in praying to god...but sees no harm (in fact subtly hints) in me praying on his behalf....

3) His idea of a perfect evening is to watch Nat geo/ Discovery and see how to survive in the scariest places in the world by eating insects and cockroaches....specifically during dinner time...

4) He once ran away with his elder bro from boarding school only to be caught in the bus and taken to task...

5) He cannot multi-task. He is a man. He believes cooking and talking are too strenous too handle together...

6) His idea of pampering is to be a 1 yr old...he expects me to wake him up with a cuddle, brush his teeth, feed him, bathe him, make his wear clothes, comb his hair, put cream and put him back to sleep....have I missed out anything in a daily routine?

7) He favourite way of spending quality time with me is to watch a squash match on laptop with Chinese commentary (to help him improve his squash)...and complaints if I indicate I am not interested...with a "How can you not watch this"...

8) He starts reminding me atleatst 4 mths before, that his Bday is due "soon"...and still cannot hide the joy on his face when he gets surprise gifts from me....he doesnt want gifts..merely enjoys them:-)

9) If he could take away one word from the dictionary...that would be "No"...

10) His favourite romantic line is ...."So what are the three things you like about me?"...

11) He is a strong believer in "lead by example"....in all the dinner parties hosted by us where he is the cook...he is the first one to compliment his own dishes....:-)

12) His only requirement for a good house is a walk-in closet and a walk-in library!

13) He is a romantic at heart and his idea of romance is to discover newer types of kisses with wife...Fishy kissy, butterfly kissy, cheeky kissy...etc...

14) He is cute enough to read bedtime stories to his wife...and apologise if her if he hasnt read to her for a while...

15) If lost on an island and allowed to take only 3 things...he would probably take a book, his ipod, his NIKON DSLR.... and a bag of chocolates.....and maybe his laptop, and his PS3, and his iphone, and his LCD TV etc....:-)

p.s: Amen.

Me..in 15 random bullets...

1) I am a girl but wish I was a boy...almost always...and yes the reasons are what you can predict...I wld love to have a penis to be able to pee anywhere, I think an adams apple is sexy, men have cute butts..almost all...and I prefer cute butts to sexy ones.... I detest feminists more than chauvinists (sue me) and yes I can almost always be assured of good sex....reasons enugh i believe...

2) I have a fetish for cold ears....As a kid I used to play with mom's cold ears...and now hubby is the victim...I have no other "wierd things" about me......

3) I HAVE to eat Goodday biscuits..line by line...coz as a kid I believed that thats why they have lines...I believed that was a intelligent guess...I am not a kid anymore....but that belief still remains....and yes...I have no other "wierd things" about me....

4) I miss three yrs of Blore probably more than any other phase in life...the time when I really lived my life for the first time.....and became me....it was a city of firsts for me...my first job, first fling, first love, first drink, first kiss. first salary, first rent paid, .....even though i wasnt born here....I still have a umbilical chord with blore....

5) I genuinely believe that my left foot is smaller than my right...no footwear store agrees with me....but am sure am right....why otherwise wld every shoe feel tighter on my right feet??

6) I am obsessed with checking the gas knobs and geysers at night..am OCD...I genuinly believe that even though I have closed them and checked them and rechecked them....they can mysteriously turn themselves on at night when am asleep and create havoc in the house...Did i already mention....I have no other "wierd things" about me?

7) Its been only 2 songs in my life so far that have got me sooo obsessive and excited...."Amazing" for the lyrics...and the most recent..."I wish I was a punkrocker" for the voice...Kishore Kumar i think was highly overated....rahet fateh ali khan and kailash kher I want to hear with my eyes closed and without any music....anyday...

8) The perfect romantic evening I have had has been the night in Jaisalmer...sitting in the dessert next to the bonfire...camels in the background....listening to sufi musicians live...it just couldnt feel any better for me...just couldnt....

9) If I could change my profession today....I would probably be a movie director....and maybe direct Nandita das...she is what I define as beauty....probably the most beautiful lady on screen today....and yes If I did became a man....thats who I wld go after...

10) I have probably grown wilder as I get get older....A tattoo on my shoulder, skydiving from 12000 ft, learning guitar at 30....all I need is flowers in my hair and a cycle....and I am ready to rock the 70's...

11) The biggest lesson I have learnt in the past few yrs of my life is...."Hold on to your relationships...but dont run behind them.."..its a thin line...and I am still defining the line...but I'll get there someday....

12) The best bhestest candy for me will always be phantom cigarettes...I have been hunting for them in every trip to India...last 5 yrs...but havent found them...I remember as a kid...pretending to smoke phantom cigarettes as thats what being sexy was all abt....and now...when I can smoke a ciggarette if i really wanted...I still prefer phantom ciggarettes....my original idea of sexy....some fantasies never die..

13) My idea of a perfect existence wld be to live the life of a gypsy..i guess with every different place its almost like a clean slate...the feeling of starting all over again....its like ur almost beating the law of nature....who says u cant unwind life...uh?

14) My fav quote is.."May you live in interesting times"....I think this more than anything else defines the uptopia of life for me....

15) I am 30...but i feel like 18...and the idea of an orgasmic life would be to die at 60 as a 30 yr old...

And life moves on...

So whats new?...every 4 mths some young men with either guns or bombs come along...kill a few indians and walk off...Happy....And we Indians...we dont care...coz really...as long as "I am alive and my family is alive...well too sorry for the others..they couldnt survive"...isnt it?

They say its a sin to commit a crime...but even worse to let it happen...and no am not talking about the terrorists/ millitants..whatever you call them...Am referring to our very own politicians....terrorists come and kill 300 of us in a day and walk off....but the numbers that are dying becoz of our politicians EVERYDAY goes much beyond that.....

The very fact that we have lost 300 of our people on 26/11 itself goes to say how much bigger an enemy is living day in and out in our own country in the name of these politicians....our own politicians who have no conscience and soul left in them....and inspite of repeated attacks in the country have never bothered to do ANYTHING AT ALL about it....

Last 50 yrs we have sat and watched one politician after another come and stab our wounds again and again to such an extent that I daresay , the damage to india has been permanent....if anyone who is responsible for the death of these 300 innocent people...yes it is the terrorists, it is the politicians and even more it is us...

We cannot stand and blame anyone else for this but us...we choose to be destroyed...we seem to want to be destroyed...its like wer asking for mercy killing....maybe we dont deserve any better than this...coz we Indians have been too selfish..way too selfish to stand up and fight for our brothers and to change things...

And the politicians--maybe u havent got this message straight....but let me give it a shot....but ur not kings...but servants!!....ur here to serve us and to make us happy...as crude as that....thats who you are ...And I do sometimes wonder what are these politicians made of and even more so..what are their families made of???....How can they all eat and drink so happily with money that comes from the blood of others....?

So we raised a big hue and cry...and to show that changes happen... now the politicians change..the old ones have escaped all accountability safely, new ones are happy to be the new kings in the indian system and we indians have got ourselves labelled "fools" again!...congratulations India Shining!!

Shame to them and Shame to us.

And yet we announce proudly...Mumbai moves on...oh yes it does..with shame and disgrace.

Bondalina!

and nope thats not a sequel of the famous thumbelina fairy tale...though maybe that would have actually been a better choice to watch! Am referring to the much talked about and awaited....bond movie...Quantum of Solace....

So this has got nothing to do with the fact that I watched the movie from second row seat at 10:00pm on a thursday (thx to Hubby dear)...but someone pray tell me...was this a Bond movie or a sequel of Spiderman (sans the web!)....

I mean...to me a bond movie has always been about the Car and sexy gadgets...which are the USP of bond...coz take these 2 things out and really whats so different abt bond movies than any other action movie????

And of course its been about hot men...(brosnan was the man for me)....but well the definition of hot really varies for men and women as far as I am concerned...while a "pout" might look hot on Jolie...but a pouty Mr bond....err....where the hell did that come from???????? (I know tonnes of women are actually swooning over craig...but puhhllessss....a pouty bond????)

Mr Director were we trying to create a bondaviva here or a Bondalina??....

And of course..I assume there was good action in the movie...("assume" u ask?)....Well yes coz inspite of sitting on the second row I still could not make out any shit that was happening in all those action scenes....

The movie starts with a car chase and the first 10 min...all you can see is the camera moving all over and then bam!...bond is out safe and sound...hmmm...so really what did happen there.....am assuming Bond flashed his famous pout to the goons and they couldnt help but fall off the cliff??:-)....

And not to mention the fact that Mr bond has beaten spidy hallow (my most favouritest superhero)...coz while spidy struggles to get into this spidy outfit everytime he needs to get into the act and spins a web to jump across buildings.....our very own bondalina doesnt need any of it....jumping across rooftops without a web is his forte....Hail Bond!

And did only me and Hubby dear notice this or are there others as well...probably the first bond movie where bond doesnt sleep with the Bond girl...????...ooh I get it...thats becoz Bondalina was tooo busy mourning the loss of Lady Bond in version 1...sigh...bond in louve!

In a nutshell...this movie feels like a remixed version of the old classics- a bad one at that!
And to me....if I am yearning for a Bond movie....quantum of Solace just doesnt wet my appetite...connery/ brosnan ur still the bond guys for me!

And next time Mr bond..can we puhhlllesss see less pout and more gadgets...I mean...not everyone is a jolie fan pls!