Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Spidy 2!

or was it sidey 2??

After waiting for weeks, making two attempts to catch the movie(striking lucky the second time), travelling all the way to the godforsaken multiplex-- I end up watching Spiderman 2- A loouuvvee story!-hummmppp!

Mr director...seems to have had an overdose of our very own bollywood....so much so that he is so caught up in spinning the story that he forgets to make spidy dear spin the web!

Spidy cries,  moans, groans, does full senti, falls deeply in love, feels sorry for old aunt...sob sob!(handkerchief pls) ,writes a thesis and even starts rethinking about being spiderman!!!! (Buddy have paid a bloody 100 bucks to see spidey in action--do u mind????!!!)

And when our spidy is not doing any of the above he graces us and obliges us by spinning a few pieces of web--but hey guess what--to add "kahani mein twist"...just when ur on the edge of ur seat(almost) and hes doing the works...lo and behold....his web gets stuck and refuses to spin from his wrist!!!!!....(what happened pal...ran outta stock or something?????..urrrggg!)

Coming back to the main story  our spidey dear is deeply in love with some wierd looking thing called "mary jane"..or "MJ"..and tries and tries and cries and cries to make her "meri jaan"...and voila succeeds in the end by being the hero who saves her life...yeayayayaya(whistle!..how brave!!....)...er...jane bimbo..wake up!...hes the one who got u in trouble in the first place!!!

But our bimbo babe..is sooo deeply in loovvee with spidy that she ends up being a runaway bride!!...(how inspiring and unique!)....

Not to forget the "to-be-villian-in-the-next-sequel" hot dude...who is supposedly our spidy's bhestest friend....well..he's the phirang version of "Devdas"(actually much better than the original;-)...except that his pain in life is not paro...but guess who...his PAPA!!!..(stumped!)

Yes..our "good-son-of-the-soil" has a record that gets stuck on one line "Where is spidy"...as spidy apprantly has killed his dearest papa in version 1 and he cant able to get over that...wowoahhhh( if only we have more such -son-of-the-papapa's the world would be a nicer place....sob, sob!...more handkerchief pls!)

And now the final nail in the coffin...would let all this go as passe but for the fact that spidy defies the age old cartoon fiction character tradition and reveals his identity to junta-et-all!..(what the hell is happening here???!!)...its like showing the face of phantom in the comic books!!!!...whoever does that???....Mr director U give them masks so that their faces dont get seen..not coz u pull them off in the middle of the movie!!!!....(Mr director must have had a deprived childhood)

After 1.5 hrs of spidy am still left yearning for spidy in action....if bollywood masala is what I wanted--would go for "janasheen" anyday!!

Hoping against hope for more action from Spidey in the version 3--Mr Director puuhhlllessssss have mercy!!

p.s:- Saving grace of the movie are purely the rare times spidey gets into some action...the train scene and the last sequence is quite cool and almost picturised like used to be in the cartoon, our -son-of-the-papa" simply for adding aesthetic value to the film(yumm), and spidy for looking sooo non-spidy!


Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Bossmate Yet Again!

Am in the bitching about my bossmate mood again today!
Have realised this somehow ends up being my favourite topic to mull over everytime I have either too much work, no work or my bossmate has been exceptionally nice to me!...hmm.
I havent been blogging for a couple of days now...not because I was cursed with work, or outta topics but just that I was involved in doing research on the topic I wanted to blog about today---"How to become a successfull bossmate"
Have spent hours in the last 2 weeks so to say doing a detailed observation from the corner of my eye trying to capture the most appropriate characteristics of my Bossmate. After my extensive research(my "seeing from corner of the eye vision" seems to have become infinitely sharper after these two weeks) have been able to put down a few points on "How to become a successfull bossmate" 
My avid fans who have been regularly following my blogs may think this is a sequel to my bossmate theories--well their right..it is!...First one being, 7 effective steps of ducking your boss--read "Guess who's your Cubiclemate" blog

Thy shall note...all that I write down here is clearly undebatable and cannot be questioned simply because I have spent 2 weeks of my time(mind you work time) doing "extensive" research on this topic and theorised as below:-
Seven effective steps to project oneself as an effective boss:-
1) Dress awefully!--Yes u read it right...dress so badly that your peers, sub-ordinates will never ever look, analyse, evaluate or discuss beyond your clothes!.. This means they will never be able to figure out what a "No content--Just got lucky" bossmate you are!
2) Mail repeats:- Resend mails to your sub-ordinates that have already be marked to them with boss-like comments like "good example of well drafted mail..", " example for a good sales pitch..blah, blah"..to give the impression that you can "add value"..uh!
3) Social Loafing:- Increase your social loafing skills by simply refusing to do an inch of work!...this can easily be done without any feeling of guilt and yet tactfully. Simply pass on all mails which have even a remote hint of work in them "shamelessly" to your reportees with the comments.."Good learning opportunity for you..", "Your the best person to close this!".-Yeah sure!
4) Stretch working:- Spend the day forwarding, deleting, editing mails with "value added comments" and make your team wait till end of day to speak to you for important and urgent issues on phone while your driving home...giving the winning impression ..." Well, I dont have a breather even when am driving..sigh!"
5) More value add:- Dont bother about hard core content--Focus on "value add". Eg. When new recruits come in give "pearls of wisdom" like, "Wear formal clothes for client meet", "Call a client if you are going to get late for a meeting"...blah, blah. Mind you, coming from the non-boss race of human beings these might be ridiculed as common sense, but coming from a bossmate these are "value adds" which have been learnt through years of "working" experience..Ahem!
6) Hands off Policy:- Adopt the "Empowerment" , "hands off" policy of Bossship(that's my latest contribution to Dilberts dictionary)--good way of getting away with doing no work. Keep off asking, probing, getting involved, reviewing etc etc any work that is done by your team. This has two benefits --
      One in case anyone come to you for guidance you can safely say-"Well..sorry have been soo caught up in high-level stuff that havent had the time to look through the details of this project...Poky is the right guy for this. Come back to me if he's unable to help"..Well after this Poky better help coz he doesnt wanna come across as a loser in front of bossmate..does he??
     Two just shows what a progressive bossmate you are--adopting the "progressive management techniques and jargons", by empowering your team to do things their way--basically neat way of wriggling out of any shit that happens and at the same time no bugger stop you from taking the credit for a work well done by just swelling your chest in pride.."My team--Atta boys!
7) Pray unto death:- Lastly but not the least--pray everyday that you dont have reportees like me who can see through all this farce and moreso theorize on it!!
These points are not just views but backed by scientific observations and have proved to be extremely effective to the extent that as a  bossmate you may even been sent of some faff programs in some fancy international locations to attend training and "learning programs" and be branded as "Hi potential" !
Would like to thank my bossmate for being the primary source of data and inspiration for this research.


Thursday, July 15, 2004

Fuck it Button.

It struck me the first time when was told by a friend that I have this in me-this "Fuck it Button".Everyone has it- am convinced. Difference lies in how one uses it and for what.

Its been there with me--probably ever since I inhabited this earth, and have probably been using it since then--just that I never saw it!

It hit me the first time when I was taking the decision to change my job and after almost 2 mths of mulling, thinking, talking, thinking, discussion, thinking, debating, thinking, analysing, thinking...I still had not moved from my state of "still thinking"...I got up one fine morning and send in my resignation--without a thought.

When I was asked by this friend how did I suddenly decide--I did'nt have an answer..cldnt figure out what made me do it! That's when I was enlighted to the fact that this is probably not the only instance but there have been other observable behaviours indicative of the wide and regular usuage of this button.

It struck me as both scary and comforting.Comforting because I now have someone finally to decisions for me!--Yuppiiieeee(can rest in peace)

Scary because, it suddenly seemed like my entire life was controlled by this button! and all I have to do...is say "Fuck it"..almost like the 2 magical words...which can lead me anywhere, make me do things that my grey cells would probable never let me...hmmmm

Going back on life seems like a lotta stuff was triggered by this button--probably a lotta my life was shaped by just a push of this button...and a lotta of my life even today is getting shaped by this button...every day..a lotta ways...hmmmm again

Sooooooo...what do I do about it now??..

As my friend says.."Am pretty happy with the way my life has shaped up and have no reason to believe it wont in future too..."

...So maybe I just need to let the button do its job..like its always been doing...Fuck it!


Monday, July 12, 2004

Dope...straight from the web

Was given the reference of this fab site..which gives u more dope than u can handle!!
But trust me...one of the better sites have come across in recent times...
Hilarious stuff which leaves me amazed!

Site is loaded with tonness of stuff like which will blow ur mind..must try!--www.straightdope.com

Heres a sample...

"In the song "Hotel California, what does "colitas" mean?

Dear Cecil:

Just what does "colitis" mean? In the song "Hotel California" by the Eagles the first lines are, "On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair, warm smell of colitis rising up through the air." I remember I tried looking it up at a university library years ago and couldn't find the answer. I know songwriters sometimes make up words, but I didn't see a Dr. Seuss credit on the album. --Wendy Martin, via the Internet

Cecil replies:

Uh, It's colitas, not colitis. Colitis (pronounced koe-LIE-tis) is an inflammation of the large intestine. You're probably thinking of that famous Beatles lyric, "the girl with colitis goes by."

As for "Hotel California," you realize a lot of people aren't troubled so much by colitas as by the meaning of the whole damn song. Figuring that we should start with the general and move to the particular, I provide the following commonly heard theories:

(1) The Hotel California is a real hotel located in (pick one) Baja California on the coastal highway between Cabo San Lucas and La Paz or else near Santa Barbara. In other words, the song is a hard look at the modern hospitality industry, which is plagued by guests who "check out any time [they] like" but then "never leave."

(2) The Hotel California is a mental hospital. I see one guy on the Web has identified it as "Camarillo State Hospital in Ventura County between LA and Santa Barbara."

(3) It's about satanism. Isn't everything?

(4) Hotel California is a metaphor for cocaine addiction. See "You can check out any time you like but you can never leave." This comes from the published comments of Glenn Frey, one of the coauthors.

(5) It's about the pitfalls of living in southern California in the 1970s, my interpretation since first listen. Makes perfect sense, and goddammit, who you going to believe, some ignorant rock star or me?

(6) My fave, posted to the Usenet by Thomas Dzubin of Vancouver, British Columbia: "There was this fireworks factory just three blocks from the Hotel California . . . and it blew up! Big tragedy. One of the workers was named Wurn Snell and he was from the town of Colitas in Greece. One of the workers who escaped the explosion talked to another guy . . . I think it was probably Don Henley . . . and Don asked what the guy saw. The worker said, "Wurn Snell of Colitas . . . rising up through the air."

He's also got this bit about "on a dark dessert highway, Cool Whip in my hair." Well, I thought it was funny.

OK, back to colitas. Personally I had the idea colitas was a type of desert flower. Apparently not. Type "colitas" into a Web search engine and you get about 50 song-lyric hits plus, curiously, a bunch of citations from Mexican and Spanish restaurant menus. Hmm, one thinks, were the Eagles rhapsodizing about the smell of some good carryout? We asked some native Spanish speakers and learned that colitas is the diminutive feminine plural of the Spanish cola, tail. Little tail. Looking for a little . . . we suddenly recalled a (male) friend's guess that colitas referred to a certain feature of the female anatomy. We paused. Naah. Back to those menus. "Colitas de langosta enchiladas" was baby lobster tails simmered in hot sauce with Spanish rice. One thinks: you know, I could write a love song around a phrase like that.

Enough of these distractions. By and by a denizen of soc.culture.spain wrote: "Colitas is little tails, but here the author is referring to 'colas,' the tip of a marijuana branch, where it is more potent and with more sap (said to be the best part of the leaves)." We knew with an instant shock of certainty that this was the correct interpretation. The Eagles, with the prescience given only to true artists, were touting the virtues of high-quality industrial hemp! And to think some people thought this song was about drugs.


Thursday, July 08, 2004

9 commandments of Life

Just received this as a forward from a friend and couldnt resist putting this one up on my blog!
This is soo GAAAWDD!!!...totally killing..agree with EVERY word of it:-)

The 9 commandments of life!

1 - Live to relax!
2 - Love your bed, it is your temple!
3 - Relax in the day, so that you can sleep at night!
4 - Work is holy, so don't attack it!
5 - Don't do something tomorrow, that you can do the day afterwards!
6 - Work as little as possible. Let the others do what needs to be done!
7 - Don't worry, nobody died from doing nothing, but you could get hurt at work!
8 - If you feel like doing work, sit down and wait until that feeling goes away!
9 - Don't forget: working is healthy! So leave it for the sick

The secret of a peaceful existence!!..This is going up on my pinboard now!
Finally have discovered the path to nirvana..sigh!:-)


Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Encounter with a Card-Gobbling monster

This is scarier than it sounds!..trust me it was a nightmare and ideally would'nt want to talk about it...but to ensure that other species in Human race don't encounter this monster I have decided to write about it.

I encountered this monster yesterday--which ate up my Debit card, it was just swallowed and gulped down like it never existed...not a trace!!!

In case u havent figure out yet am referring to the ATM machine.

It happened yesterday late evening when I went to withdraw money from my new bank account. Now usually all normal banks have a 4 digit pin number. This idiotic bank for some reason had a 6 digit number.As it is, it take quite a task to remember the various numbers that have become more essential to your life than life itself!..

Its like u have no identity if there are'nt atleast 10 number attached to you--you are a LOSER...your cell no( ten digits!!), land line no, Atm pin, Hpin, Tpin, Mpin(Mobile banking!!!), account no..list goes on!

As is obvious my strained little brain could not figure out the right combination of these 6 digits even after 4 tries and lo and behold...without even a warning...the monster ate up my card:-(

I pushed, pressed all the buttons on the ATM, banged the idiotic box, was almost about to pick up a chair and kill the damn monster when the monsters bodygaurd appeared from somewhere and saved the monster's life!


Whyyyyyy...just when I needed the moolah...god why!!!!....God dammit..its my card, my money..who the hell are you to take it away..I can enter any number I want..any number of times!!!...Give MY freaking card backk!

So after letting the frustation and feeling of defeat sink in..the next logical step was to call up the 24 hrs Customer "Care" service!...

And well if this experience wasnt enough I was put onto somebody called "Valentine" (like that helps!!)..who blabbered for some 10 minutes beginning" good morning ...blah, blah , blah....How can I help u!"...finally!!!...

After 30 minutes of explaining, screaming, yelling, pleading, begging( never tried so many emotions at one time before!)...dearest valentine set things right for me..which is ?--" My card was blocked and new card would be issued in 1 weeks time!...WOW!!!..life rocks!...MUAH!

And what am I supposed to do for 1 week?...GO figure!!

All those who are reading this blog--moral of the story...Puuhhlllessss dont push your luck beyond three tries with this monster else be ready for a battle..a losing battle!


Thursday, July 01, 2004

Lingo Jingo

Ever wondered how simple normal English can be made soooo much more interesting and "cooler" to talk in simply by defying every damn grammer rule learnt in school!!!

There are various ways and means of doing that...but key is creativity and whackiness..which can be confirmed only when the person listening to you using these words for the first time sqirms and starts wondering "Which school did this dude go to???"....U know it then...u have succedded!

Now for all you beginners let me give you a few examples of some of these categories which I have heard(unfortunately these are not original creations!) and adopted successfully...

The "Cant Able to" category....like..can't able to study today or can't able to get into work mood today...! This to begin with will take some time to master and include in your lingo smoothly..but once mastered can irritate the hell outta your English teacher..trust me!

The second category is the happening category"--
Full joy happening
Full sadness happening
Full proudness happening( Nope..its not meant to be pride!)
Full shyness happening

This by far is one of my favouritest categories coz if u notice its multipurpose--can be added against any word and voila!....u have it going!:-)

The third is not really a category but more my style...its the "S" alphabet which does the magic...my favourite one being.."peoples--how abt lunch"...try it...kinda cool:-)

Besides this there are some words which have their own magic and these are bangalore special!..just like u have the "Apun Tapun" lingo in Mumbai...

Its called the "da-ra-bugger" lingo which got exposed to,on my first week in bangalore and have quite begun to enjoy it..they kinda grow on u...
"WWhat daaaa!!"
"Whatt raaaa!"
"Bugggeerrrrrrrrrrr"..(with extra stretch in the rrrr:-))

Now how this new lingo jingo has impacted me???..Well trust me it has..I have at times begun to say things which can have completely different( and may i put) wrong connotations!!..and if u think am faffing(incidentally thats my favouritest word of all!)
let me prove its scary impact on me

In recent past I had this strong pang of having a glass of juice. Now usually when I feel the need for food...any normal being would say "I'm hungry!"....So stretching my experimentation too far without realising the interpretation of what I was going to say...I blurted out "I'm Juicy"..oops!

I rest my case.