Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Bossmate Yet Again!

Am in the bitching about my bossmate mood again today!
Have realised this somehow ends up being my favourite topic to mull over everytime I have either too much work, no work or my bossmate has been exceptionally nice to me!...hmm.
I havent been blogging for a couple of days now...not because I was cursed with work, or outta topics but just that I was involved in doing research on the topic I wanted to blog about today---"How to become a successfull bossmate"
Have spent hours in the last 2 weeks so to say doing a detailed observation from the corner of my eye trying to capture the most appropriate characteristics of my Bossmate. After my extensive research(my "seeing from corner of the eye vision" seems to have become infinitely sharper after these two weeks) have been able to put down a few points on "How to become a successfull bossmate" 
My avid fans who have been regularly following my blogs may think this is a sequel to my bossmate theories--well their is!...First one being, 7 effective steps of ducking your boss--read "Guess who's your Cubiclemate" blog

Thy shall note...all that I write down here is clearly undebatable and cannot be questioned simply because I have spent 2 weeks of my time(mind you work time) doing "extensive" research on this topic and theorised as below:-
Seven effective steps to project oneself as an effective boss:-
1) Dress awefully!--Yes u read it right...dress so badly that your peers, sub-ordinates will never ever look, analyse, evaluate or discuss beyond your clothes!.. This means they will never be able to figure out what a "No content--Just got lucky" bossmate you are!
2) Mail repeats:- Resend mails to your sub-ordinates that have already be marked to them with boss-like comments like "good example of well drafted mail..", " example for a good sales pitch..blah, blah" give the impression that you can "add value"..uh!
3) Social Loafing:- Increase your social loafing skills by simply refusing to do an inch of work!...this can easily be done without any feeling of guilt and yet tactfully. Simply pass on all mails which have even a remote hint of work in them "shamelessly" to your reportees with the comments.."Good learning opportunity for you..", "Your the best person to close this!".-Yeah sure!
4) Stretch working:- Spend the day forwarding, deleting, editing mails with "value added comments" and make your team wait till end of day to speak to you for important and urgent issues on phone while your driving the winning impression ..." Well, I dont have a breather even when am driving..sigh!"
5) More value add:- Dont bother about hard core content--Focus on "value add". Eg. When new recruits come in give "pearls of wisdom" like, "Wear formal clothes for client meet", "Call a client if you are going to get late for a meeting"...blah, blah. Mind you, coming from the non-boss race of human beings these might be ridiculed as common sense, but coming from a bossmate these are "value adds" which have been learnt through years of "working" experience..Ahem!
6) Hands off Policy:- Adopt the "Empowerment" , "hands off" policy of Bossship(that's my latest contribution to Dilberts dictionary)--good way of getting away with doing no work. Keep off asking, probing, getting involved, reviewing etc etc any work that is done by your team. This has two benefits --
      One in case anyone come to you for guidance you can safely say-"Well..sorry have been soo caught up in high-level stuff that havent had the time to look through the details of this project...Poky is the right guy for this. Come back to me if he's unable to help"..Well after this Poky better help coz he doesnt wanna come across as a loser in front of bossmate..does he??
     Two just shows what a progressive bossmate you are--adopting the "progressive management techniques and jargons", by empowering your team to do things their way--basically neat way of wriggling out of any shit that happens and at the same time no bugger stop you from taking the credit for a work well done by just swelling your chest in pride.."My team--Atta boys!
7) Pray unto death:- Lastly but not the least--pray everyday that you dont have reportees like me who can see through all this farce and moreso theorize on it!!
These points are not just views but backed by scientific observations and have proved to be extremely effective to the extent that as a  bossmate you may even been sent of some faff programs in some fancy international locations to attend training and "learning programs" and be branded as "Hi potential" !
Would like to thank my bossmate for being the primary source of data and inspiration for this research.


At 6:19 PM, Blogger Jupe said...

You know something - do u have a reportee to whom u r a bossmate ? :-) If yes, fwd this post as an email and then with ur "seeing from corner of the eye vision" chk out their reaction. If you dont have one, postpone this till u have one.

We r all the same, yaar - this is a game of musical chairs - u sit there u will also do the same :-) Atleast everything except Pt: 1 (such shameless flattery..tch tch..wots come over me)

At 8:55 PM, Blogger Ekta said...

ahem Jupe!

Speak for thyself..may I daresay I did have a reportee and I did not do any of the above!

So much to say I was a loser Bossmate!--Thank god for small mercies yet again!

At 2:16 AM, Blogger Anirudh Garg said...

Ha Ha, you dilbertisque MBA consultant types.. why the hell are you guys paid so much anyways :D

At 11:42 AM, Blogger Hawkeye said...

hey i thought u quit!

anyway.. i think the real reason is.. people cant work after they cross a certain age. they cant get their hands dirty.. which is why they evade work like crazy.

technical mgmt or supervisory roles nowadays are merely sending emails. and communicating/co-ordinating status.


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