Once upon a time-part II

So as the name suggests-Its the sequel of my blog! After 4 yrs of complete hibernation and well-Life taking over life, am back again!

10:30pm in a quiet dark corner of the house- its like becoming a mom once again ( sans the pain thankfully). Am redelivering this blog.

So before you start imagining and rubbing your hands for some gossip in my life over the last 4 yrs-lets just say nothing in this post is going to make you "jump up and stop doing whatever your doing now". However if you still choose to continue reading- am not the one to blame (Was'nt that a pretty cool disclaimer!)

Lemme tell you--this is just a "WARMING UP" post. Just like you rub your hands with glee and anticipation before you eat that awesome butter chicken or wear that first (and maybe last) pair Jimmy choo shoes!

So last few years have been interesting- baby ( 3+ yrs now), got out of corporate glam life and well became an entrepreneur (I actually had to spell-check that word). 

Life has been pretty much like a boomerang--the further to try and throw the life-the faster it comes back and harder it smashes your face. (Woah!! I swear that was an original- am already on a roll I say;-)

Its funny how we women spend the best 10 yrs of our lives trying hard to not be "Me" but everything else- a wife, a mother, a successful individual and we have finally got it all we struggle the rest of our lives trying hard to not be those things and find "Me". 

I write as I think- pretty mindlessly and I am really ok with not thinking with the most accurate spellings or with the cleanest or nicest of thoughts or the kindest of words. I am ok not being a nice person sometimes.

So this post wasnt really about anything in particular but like I said --just a conversation with myself , a conversation to write everytime I  have a smile on my face or everytime I want to have a smile on my face:-)

Watch this space- I'll be bouncing back soon!:-)

Maleopause...approaching 40!

So yes..its been close to 3 yrs since I wasted my time writing on this page and others reading it...I think I have already done my due to the world economy by ensuring people are doing more productive work than reading this..(am an eternal optimist)...So now I am at it again!

So last three years life has come around a full circle- from homemaker to a busy job, followed by motherhood (shes 2.5 yrs old now), followed by being homemaker  again and launch of own business (www.madefortots.com)! So yes 3 yrs older and 10 yrs wiser (ahem)...!

So last night was at dinner at a friends place and watching the husbands there forced (read inspired) me to start penning (is there such a word??) again!

So coming back to the topic of this post-Maleopause!--Yeah that exists as well! (and nope you are not going to find this word on google or wikipedia--some things are best left to imagination!)

So how the hell do you know or identify men that are going through - "Maleopause syndrome"-here are a few researched, observed, experienced insights that no magazine will tell you-- to be validated in a gathering with three or more men involved!

1) Wine, Women and work are the three areas of focus for the evening-read in that priority!
2) Atleast 20 minutes of the evening are spent discussing a young 20 something sexy lady hair-dresser (Yes hairdresser!!) with intricate and detailed description of her "amazing dressing style" (read:short and sexy)!
3) Another 10-15 minutes are spent discussing Old Monk (drink they have grown up with!)
4) Dancing in the Pubs is now considered a sport for women
5) From playing football/basketball, they claim to have graduated to more sophisticated sports like Golf (Read: anything that needs less energy!)
6) Career discussions are more philosophical than technical
7) They categorise giving and taking "gyan" from each other as having a "fun evening"! (Sigh!)
8) Cheap jokes (read rajnikant and santa banta jokes) actually have them in splits!
9) Their concept of late night means sleeping at 12:00am.
10) Eating light (read :Soup and Salad) is their first choice rather than last!

P.S: This is a work of pure imagination. Any resemblance to any character living or dead is purely intentional:-)

You know ur getting older...

When...
1) Quite weekends at home mean potluck lunches with close friends...
2) You come back home from office in time to watch perfect bride...
3) Your concept of "late night" means you'v slept at 12pm..
4) You hunt for pubs on the weekend which play "retro music"...the kind you'v "grown up" to
5) You start replacing "I like to gym" with "I need to gym"....
6) 90% of the parties you attend are thrown by spouses or mothers and warrant the need to buy a gift...
7) You can easily put most of your friends into two categories.. "Housewives" or "bankers"...
8) Shopping for weekend groceries is categorised as "spending time together"....
9) You start shopping for clothes that "hide it" rather than "flaunt it"....
10) You have to "plan" and "block time" in advance for boys/ girls night out....
11) Going to a halloween party feels like the "event of the month".....
12) You eat maggie on weekends as a last option rather than the first one....
13) Your more worried about giving the maid's salary on time....rather than getting your own..
14) "Child friendly" is the criteria for selection of restaurants and travel destinations..
15) The key topics of telephone conversations is recipe discussions or stock market status.....
16) 75% of the photographs posted on facebook are about your kids and 95% of your status messages are about your family....
17) You describe getting sloshed over a few margarita's as having a "wild time"...
18) Celebrating a friends bday is not as simple as buying a cheesy, silly and funny archies card followed by a cheap treat anymore....
19) Your parents are more excited to see your kids than to see you....
20) On a Wednesday evening at work you can list down 20 bullets on getting old in less than 20 mins.....

Sigh, Sigh!

"UP" and "not so UP" side of life...

I know I know...I was lost in a desserted Island for the last 2 months...had gone on a exploratory trip sailing on the South China sea and this being the Typhoon season the boat got swayed and took me to a desserted island where I lived off leaves, fruits and occasional caterpillars and worms for last 2 months!--Is that valid excuse for not blogging for last 2 months??:-))

So yes last week I saw "UP"...the 3d animated movie...and for all those who have a sweet tooth....you will loooveee this movie...its the sweetest movie EVER!!!....Its such a cuttieppiee movie...imagine....flying in your own house from one place to another???

Come to think of it--isnt this an absolutely brilliant idea that could kill the airline industry--ingenious must say:-))...So it must be clear by now that I absolutely adored the movie...and its highly recommended...MUST MUST SEE!

On the "not so UP" side...yesterday went to someone's house in HK who stayed in an area called "Peak"...for those uninitiated to HK its basically an area higher up from where you can see the HK skyline in all its glory. Needless to say even a 500 Sq feet apartment here could burn your pockets (HK is criminally expensive when its comes to housing AND EVERYTHING ELSE!)

Now going to the house was not the "not so UP" part..the house itself was the "Not so UP" part....close your eyes and imagine...a three storey house in HK, in peak...each storey atleast 1000-1500 sq feet...!!....Last 5 yrs since we moved to HK..I had forgotten the concept of space...some concepts lose importance because they appear unrealistic and space in HK is one of them....or so I thot!!

I was behaving like a child in Toysarus for the first time...capturing every inch of space in the house...like if I see it properly I may even be able to take a little space home with me!!!..Sigh!!

Needless to say--I am still VERY sad and depressed and angry...did I say VERY?...I actually feel like a "HAVE NOT"!!!...And yes all those who are going to pacify me with comments like "Its ok you have a good house too"..."The size doesnt matter, its the people who make the home"....DONT EVEN TRY!!

I have decided the only way to start feeling "UP" again is to tie tonnes of balloons to this house and fly away in it...so if you notice a three storey something tied to balloons...wave out...and I just might take you "UP" with me!:-)

I am not done yet!!!

They say automation makes life simpler....I say it makes you a slave...rules your life...takes away every little piece of control that you might have left and leaves you helpless!

HK is infested with great malls which have even greater toilets....needless to say all these are "Automated flush toilets" ....that have an inane ability to sense what your upto in the 4 closed walls..or so they claim!!..

And am sure these toilets have been made by a man....coz their sensing abilities are completely senseless....So heres how they work...everytime there is a slack period after a "downloading activity"....the sensor uses its "shitbrains" and assumes it time to create a tsunami on your turf... which means it keeps flushing even when one is sitting on it!!!!.....ggrrrrr....What the F***...u senseless thing....cant you see...I AM NOT DONE YET!!

The last part where I want to give up control in my life is when and how I want to clean my turf (read ass)--its a shitty power struggle indeed and am gonna fight tooth and nail to keep control over my turf!

Needless to say--no more senseless sensing toilets for me!!...I am done with these mindless quirks made for the lazy asses....I am now on the hunt for toilets in HK which do not take away the control from your life....only the shit from it!

and yes...I AM DONE NOW!

Hubby Dear....in 15 bullets...A Wifes Perspective:-)

So now I thot it might be a good idea to create a sequel of me in 15 bullet pts...and a natural sequel would be 15 bullets on Hubby....

So...Here it goes...

1) His idea of a perfect day is to get up at 10:00am...10:10am sit on the sofa....10:10pm get up from sofa....10:15pm go to sleep on bed...

2) His likes to believe he is an Atheist...his definition of atheist is...he doesnt believe in praying to god...but sees no harm (in fact subtly hints) in me praying on his behalf....

3) His idea of a perfect evening is to watch Nat geo/ Discovery and see how to survive in the scariest places in the world by eating insects and cockroaches....specifically during dinner time...

4) He once ran away with his elder bro from boarding school only to be caught in the bus and taken to task...

5) He cannot multi-task. He is a man. He believes cooking and talking are too strenous too handle together...

6) His idea of pampering is to be a 1 yr old...he expects me to wake him up with a cuddle, brush his teeth, feed him, bathe him, make his wear clothes, comb his hair, put cream and put him back to sleep....have I missed out anything in a daily routine?

7) He favourite way of spending quality time with me is to watch a squash match on laptop with Chinese commentary (to help him improve his squash)...and complaints if I indicate I am not interested...with a "How can you not watch this"...

8) He starts reminding me atleatst 4 mths before, that his Bday is due "soon"...and still cannot hide the joy on his face when he gets surprise gifts from me....he doesnt want gifts..merely enjoys them:-)

9) If he could take away one word from the dictionary...that would be "No"...

10) His favourite romantic line is ...."So what are the three things you like about me?"...

11) He is a strong believer in "lead by example"....in all the dinner parties hosted by us where he is the cook...he is the first one to compliment his own dishes....:-)

12) His only requirement for a good house is a walk-in closet and a walk-in library!

13) He is a romantic at heart and his idea of romance is to discover newer types of kisses with wife...Fishy kissy, butterfly kissy, cheeky kissy...etc...

14) He is cute enough to read bedtime stories to his wife...and apologise if her if he hasnt read to her for a while...

15) If lost on an island and allowed to take only 3 things...he would probably take a book, his ipod, his NIKON DSLR.... and a bag of chocolates.....and maybe his laptop, and his PS3, and his iphone, and his LCD TV etc....:-)

p.s: Amen.

Me..in 15 random bullets...

1) I am a girl but wish I was a boy...almost always...and yes the reasons are what you can predict...I wld love to have a penis to be able to pee anywhere, I think an adams apple is sexy, men have cute butts..almost all...and I prefer cute butts to sexy ones.... I detest feminists more than chauvinists (sue me) and yes I can almost always be assured of good sex....reasons enugh i believe...

2) I have a fetish for cold ears....As a kid I used to play with mom's cold ears...and now hubby is the victim...I have no other "wierd things" about me......

3) I HAVE to eat Goodday biscuits..line by line...coz as a kid I believed that thats why they have lines...I believed that was a intelligent guess...I am not a kid anymore....but that belief still remains....and yes...I have no other "wierd things" about me....

4) I miss three yrs of Blore probably more than any other phase in life...the time when I really lived my life for the first time.....and became me....it was a city of firsts for me...my first job, first fling, first love, first drink, first kiss. first salary, first rent paid, .....even though i wasnt born here....I still have a umbilical chord with blore....

5) I genuinely believe that my left foot is smaller than my right...no footwear store agrees with me....but am sure am right....why otherwise wld every shoe feel tighter on my right feet??

6) I am obsessed with checking the gas knobs and geysers at night..am OCD...I genuinly believe that even though I have closed them and checked them and rechecked them....they can mysteriously turn themselves on at night when am asleep and create havoc in the house...Did i already mention....I have no other "wierd things" about me?

7) Its been only 2 songs in my life so far that have got me sooo obsessive and excited...."Amazing" for the lyrics...and the most recent..."I wish I was a punkrocker" for the voice...Kishore Kumar i think was highly overated....rahet fateh ali khan and kailash kher I want to hear with my eyes closed and without any music....anyday...

8) The perfect romantic evening I have had has been the night in Jaisalmer...sitting in the dessert next to the bonfire...camels in the background....listening to sufi musicians live...it just couldnt feel any better for me...just couldnt....

9) If I could change my profession today....I would probably be a movie director....and maybe direct Nandita das...she is what I define as beauty....probably the most beautiful lady on screen today....and yes If I did became a man....thats who I wld go after...

10) I have probably grown wilder as I get get older....A tattoo on my shoulder, skydiving from 12000 ft, learning guitar at 30....all I need is flowers in my hair and a cycle....and I am ready to rock the 70's...

11) The biggest lesson I have learnt in the past few yrs of my life is...."Hold on to your relationships...but dont run behind them.."..its a thin line...and I am still defining the line...but I'll get there someday....

12) The best bhestest candy for me will always be phantom cigarettes...I have been hunting for them in every trip to India...last 5 yrs...but havent found them...I remember as a kid...pretending to smoke phantom cigarettes as thats what being sexy was all abt....and now...when I can smoke a ciggarette if i really wanted...I still prefer phantom ciggarettes....my original idea of sexy....some fantasies never die..

13) My idea of a perfect existence wld be to live the life of a gypsy..i guess with every different place its almost like a clean slate...the feeling of starting all over again....its like ur almost beating the law of nature....who says u cant unwind life...uh?

14) My fav quote is.."May you live in interesting times"....I think this more than anything else defines the uptopia of life for me....

15) I am 30...but i feel like 18...and the idea of an orgasmic life would be to die at 60 as a 30 yr old...